3rd
Who are you to judge?
I judge too. I am a hypocrite. It doesn’t bother me too much. I’m not trying to be like jesus. I’m just trying to find a way to survive in a haphazard world. I will at times step back and realize I don’t know all the particulars. but some things are beyond sympathy. to damage your own children without struggling with every fiber of your being to get better. and that case is plain. when they don’t fight. that I can recognize. having been there, and done my share of harm. and having been on the other side of it, as I imagine all who harm the innocent have been. as my own parents were. I do not forgive them. some things should not be tolerated. they did not do their best. no one does, and I despise that adage. it is untrue and harmful. it is a lie which excuses abominable behavior.
I want to get to that core. to see inside. to understand. it is messy in there. if there were understanding, maybe you would all be a little less obnoxious. I could tell you what your obnoxiousness springs from. you wouldn’t like it. I have it too, but seeing it dampens it some, and it targets those who have the highest levels of contempt married to blind willful stupidity. it works the same though. I get to feel better than them, driven by insecurity. using others to prop myself up in my head, rather than building something with real value. this is what I hope to move on to. but so many never even get to the place where they can see themselves for what they are, and they die like that. whole groups of people help to build each others fictions. telling each other how lovely that shelf that they just put in is. it is the saddest story in the world, the one that pretends it is otherwise.
“Know thyself. A maxim as pernicious as it is ugly. Whoever studies himself arrest his own development. A caterpillar who seeks to know himself would never become a butterfly.” Andre Gide
but to grant factual status to a fantasy would be worse. I do not know what we are left with, then, but I am for trying anyway, trying anything.
